


Safe and Sound

by Robin Hood (kjack89)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Blood, Gunshot Wounds, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood
Summary: 'Cause even if it all comes crashing downAs long as you're aroundI'll be safe and sound





	Safe and Sound

**Author's Note:**

  * For [barbaXcarisi (barbaXbenson)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaXbenson/gifts).



> PLEASE READ THE TAGS.
> 
> For the amazing and incredible barbaXcarisi, on her birthday. Hope you had a great one!! And if not, this should be painful enough to make even a bad birthday seem significantly better ;)
> 
> Thanks to AHF for braving this enough to beta!!
> 
> Usual disclaimer. Please be kind and tip your fanfic writers in the form of comments and/or kudos!

The courtroom was in chaos, screams and shouts echoing throughout the chamber, but for Barba, the world was oddly silent, narrowed from the mayhem surrounding him to the man half-cradled in his lap on the cold floor. The cacophony of sounds were dulled to only the light gasps of Carisi’s breath as he struggled to breathe, the only sight Barba cared about was the slight rise and fall of his chest as the red stain spread steadily across the white cotton of his shirt.

He held his hand steadily against the wound, against the bullet that Carisi had taken for him, his shout of, “Gun!” echoing in Barba’s ears even as he blinked down at Carisi, focusing solely on him, and on the blood he could feel pouring out of the man with every pained heartbeat.

“Hey,” Carisi said softly, far too softly, softer than Barba had ever from heard the man whose normal volume had seemingly only been loud and louder. “Hey, it’s ok.”

“It’s not,” Barba ground out. “It’s not ok, Sonny. You’ve been shot.”

Carisi managed a slight smile, though it quickly turned into a wince, and Barba pressed harder against the wound, even if he knew it wouldn’t do any good. “I know,” Carisi said with a sigh. “Kinda sucks.”

Barba laughed, though it sounded far too much like a sob to his own ears. Behind him, he could hear Olivia shouting into her phone for a bus but he knew it was too late.

They’d never get there in time.

He swallowed, hard, and looked back down at Carisi, whose gaze was slightly unfocused as he looked up at him. “Sonny,” Barba managed, “just...just in case, I need you to know—”

“I know,” Carisi said, his smile almost as bright as his usual grin. “What, you think I’d take a bullet for just anyone?”

Barba managed a smile in return. “Well, it  _ is _ something you’d do, you selfless bastard,” he joked. 

Carisi laughed again, and Barba could see the blood that flecked his teeth and trickled out of the corner of his mouth. “I love you,” Carisi told him, and Barba’s heart clenched at the words. “I — I had a lot of reasons for why I didn’t say it sooner, but I don’t think they matter now.”

Barba had his own litany of reasons, but here, now, he couldn’t think of a single one that mattered. He couldn’t think of a single one that ever had.

“They don’t,” Barba told him, and pulled him closer. “And Sonny, I—”

“I know,” Carisi said again. Barba ducked his head and Carisi’s smile slipped slightly. “It’s ok,” he told him, and Barba bit back the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him, that even here, even now, Carisi would try to comfort him. “I saved you.”

He was reminded so vividly of a very different day, of sitting next to Carisi in a bar after Mike Dodds’ funeral, of sharing a drink as Carisi assured him that he would keep Barba safe.

Carisi always had, up until the end.

“You did,” Barba told him, reassured him. He could feel the tears coursing down his cheeks but made no move to stop them, not willing to let go of Carisi for even a moment. “In all the ways that matter, you saved me.”

Carisi had.

And not just in taking a bullet for him that day.

Barba didn’t know who he would be if sunshine in human form hadn’t entered his life at the wrong time wearing the wrong suit and with the wrong facial hair, but he knew without a doubt that he would be a lot less happy and a lot more bitter. He never would have lasted in this job as long as he did without the few seconds of interaction he was guaranteed each day with Carisi, without the smile and flash of those blue eyes that could leave Barba feeling warm for hours afterwards.

Even though he and Carisi had never moved beyond the occasional drink and shared dinner, had never so much as kissed, Barba had known for awhile that this was it for him.

And now, with every breath sounding like it might be Carisi’s last, Barba knew this was it for both of them, over before it could ever begin. “I love you,” he told Carisi, his own breathing labored from the pain he could feel crushing his chest, the pain of the man he loved bleeding out in front of him. “I love you, and you saved me Sonny. You did.”

“I did,” Carisi affirmed with a slight smile, his voice no more than a whisper. “I…”

He trailed off, his blue eyes wide and staring and empty. “Sonny,” Barba breathed, closing his eyes and lifting his hand off of Carisi’s wound. There was no need now to try to stop the bleeding. “Sonny, wait for me. I won’t...I won’t be long.”

Sonny had saved him. In every way that mattered.

But he hadn’t saved him from the second bullet, the one that had torn through Barba’s side as he had crashed to the floor of the courtroom with Sonny.

Olivia crouched next to him, tears shining bright in her eyes. “Carisi?” she asked quietly. Barba just shook his head slightly. Olivia blinked and looked down at Carisi, slowly reaching out to shut Carisi’s eyes with trembling fingers. “He was a good cop,” she managed, her voice trembling.

“He was a good man,” Barba said before wincing, and her eyes flashed to his before looking him up and down.

“Rafa, you’re hurt,” she said, her voice suddenly urgent, and she reached out to grab him as he started to topple over, his breathing growing labored. “Shit — Rafael, hang on, ok? An ambulance is on the way.”

Barba just shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said faintly. “Did you — did you get the shooter?” 

Olivia nodded. “Yeah, Fin and Rollins are taking him downtown. He won’t—” Her voice broke. “He won’t see the light of day again.” Her eyes flickered to Carisi and back to Barba. “Not after murdering an NYPD detective.”

“And a Manhattan ADA,” Barba added, coughing wetly. He could taste the iron tang of blood in his mouth.

Olivia’s expression tightened. “ _ Don’t _ say that,” she said sharply. “You’re going to be fine.”

Barba just shook his head slightly. His vision was beginning to blur, everything going gray at the periphery. He looked down at Carisi’s body, still clutched in his arms. “I am,” he said. “Because I’m...I’m going to be with Sonny.”

Were it under any other circumstances, he’d have rolled his eyes at the very thought, at any kind of Heaven or afterlife, let alone one spent with Carisi, but now, as the cold crept down his spine, as he could feel his grip on Carisi’s body loosening, the thought was the only thing keeping him grounded on the courtroom floor.

“Rafael…” Olivia’s voice broke, and she squeezed his shoulder. “Just hang in there, ok?”

But judging by her tone, what Barba could still hear of it, anyway, she didn’t even believe her own words.

Barba’s eyes fluttered closed. He could no longer feel Carisi in his arms, but it didn’t matter. He knew he was there. “He saved me,” Barba breathed. “I’m safe.”

Olivia said something in response, but Barba could no longer hear her, drifting in the warmth of memory and certainty, of a promise Carisi made and a promise he had fulfilled.

 

_ “I’m not worried,” Barba assured Carisi with a soft smile, meaning every word more than Carisi could possibly know. “Not in here.” _

_ Carisi’s dimples deepened and he ducked his head, taking a sip of beer. “Well, you know,” he said offhandedly. “I can’t imagine my life without you openly mocking me, so, you know. I kinda have to make sure you stick around.” _

_ “Do you have a masochist streak that I don’t know about?” Barba teased, his smile widening. _

_ Carisi laughed. “Nah,” he said dismissively, and nudged Barba companionably. “But what can I say. You’ve grown on me.” _

_ “I’ve grown on you?” Barba repeated, incredulous. He paused, his instant retort dying on his lips when he saw the soft look on Carisi’s face. “Well. The feeling’s mutual, I suppose.” _

_ Carisi’s answering grin was more than worth it. _

_ “In any case,” Carisi added after a moment, “you have nothing to worry about in here or out there. I’ll keep you safe.” _

_ “You know what, Detective?” Barba said, taking a swig of beer. “I believe you.” _

_ Carisi just laughed and tipped his beer bottle forward to clink it against Barba’s, but Barba didn’t laugh. He meant the words far more than Carisi would ever know. _


End file.
